Monday, October 4
so tired again. well chris and i swam today. :) so fun. haha. well, we swam a bit and played a bit then went to kap to study. but underneath everything runs this little current of distress. beneath every happy moment, there's this tiny seed of self-doubt. i will never walk on water, because i doubt myself and my abilities. the song running through my head. words and beat, harmony blending with melody. 'i only feel alive when i dream at night'.. i'm counting down til the day we semi-graduate. and i'm not looking forward to it. i might even miss the yucky canteen food! miss gazing out of the windows, miss the stinky toilets i'm apparently having affairs with. miss gliding over the classroom floor when i'm happy, and curling up into a ball under my table when i'm sad. miss my friends. miss hugging you. miss putting my chin on your shoulders, miss sleeping on your arms, or on each others' tummies in the library. yet you know i'll never say this to your face. i'll just end up bawling. i've teared twice already today, don't push it. i hope the farewell assembly's good. to last year's graduating class: i'm very sorry i encouraged my class to be so very enthusiastic last year. i uh wasn't thinking straight. i assure you i understand completely if you wanted to bash up those chirpy sec3s enjoying themselves while waves of nostalgia flooded over you. i remember the way we linked arms. and sang. we said we'd just cry nonstop when it came to our turn. well darlin's we've got less than 2 weeks. i'm bringing a tissue box.
no news about moderation meeting. and guess what, i don't care. sa then sa larh. there are more impt things to bother about, studies aren't everything. they're a big part, but they aren't life. love is, though. 'cos i only feel alive when i dream at night..'
it must've been love.
9:30 pm
xoxo
